meditation vs. pb
my little dude, pb
as i look at this little face, i am cracking my ass up! pb (short for “pooh booty” and trust me when i say he earned that name) was 2 years old when poochie took this photo. he was upset because i scraped eggs onto the same plate as his french toast to create space on the table while having brunch at our local spot. at 2, his tantrums looked much like the photo – an angry face, maybe a cry/holler every now and then. they have since become very theatrical and at times, turn into major meltdowns.
while tantrums and meltdowns are commonplace at this stage, somehow i felt as though they were a reflection of poor parenting. culturally, we tend to frown upon or place blame on parents (esp. mothers) for their children’s behavior – it’s no wonder some mothers are riddled with guilt, anxiety and shame when our little ones decide to pump up the volume. after observing the emotional effects pb’s meltdowns were beginning to have on me, i prayed to learn the best way to manage my own emotions in order to show up with more patience and empathy. a couple of days later, my prayer was answered.
pb had asked to watch something and my response was “you can watch when you finish practicing your writing.” he roared, “i wanna waaaaaatch!!! i don’t wanna do my letters!!!” and proceeded to tap dance (stomp) on the living room floor (i am beyond grateful that we live on the first floor). “i wanna waaaaatch,” turned into a song that was much like nails on a chalk board. i tried talking to him but he couldn’t hear me over his high notes. i decided to walk to the bedroom, lock myself in, turn on some solfeggios and meditate.
thoughts that usually go unnoticed started coming through as loud as pb’s wails. “the neighbors must think he’s being hurt," “go fix this now,” “you’re a shitty mom,” “you’re neglecting him, go open the door,” were amongst some of the many thoughts that came up in those 15 minutes. it was extremely challenging for me to not get up, to not judge myself, to listen to him go from demanding to desperate and not rush to him immediately, but addressing these subconscious thoughts as they were surfacing felt completely necessary in that moment. once the meditation was over, i was clear on these things:
i’d placed unnecessary pressure on myself to be a “perfect” mother – an unrealistic goal that was negatively affecting my parenting experience.
i don’t have to “fix” things when my child is upset – it’s perfectly okay for him to be upset and figure out how to self-regulate.
if i want to raise a well-adjusted child, my own emotional maturity/wellness is essential.
setting a boundary for a child doesn’t have to be forceful, it can be as simple as choosing to ignore unwanted behavior.
when i went to open the door, my precious pb was on the floor with tears in his eyes. we got into bed, cuddled and had a conversation about what had just taken place. he apologized for his behavior, agreed to practice writing, and watched a show together before having lunch. since then, things have been copacetic… well for the most part because let’s be real – one thing a kid this age is going to do is test a boundary. but choosing to regulate (or at least observe) our own thoughts/feelings through meditation is a wonderful way to bring more consciousness to the parenting experience and provide us adults the opportunity to transform and truly lead by example.