loved, lifted and held

i have been hella quiet about my divorce process mainly because i’m still in the midst of it. it’s still emotional so i don’t have the clarity to properly share my story, but i look forward to when the storm is over. what i can and will say is that divorce is not easy, even if you’re the requesting party. it is far more dynamic than anyone ever discloses, especially when there are children involved. i’d liken the grief that comes along with divorce to that of death. like death, you’re laying the life you agreed and desired to have down to rest, mourning unrealized dreams and unfulfilled needs, and often oscillating between denial, acceptance and a range of emotions/feelings including loss and failure. many, if not all, childhood wounds (re)surface and in my case, all of this began while I was dealing with postpartum anxiety and is still occurring while we are in a global pandemic. this process has been the death of me, but i am experiencing a beautiful rebirth.

there is now a peace that fills and covers me in a place where anger, blame, and victimhood once reigned. love is flowing through my veins replacing fear. i am still and will forever be human, meaning there are times when the darkness returns. i’m no longer afraid of the dark because of the enlightening and empowering awareness i now have – i get to choose how i feel and how i respond to any shift.

thank you to all of you who have listened, held my hand, embraced me, loved on me, wiped snot from my nose, watched pb so i can have a break, cooked meals, taken me out, taken my son and i to the altar, spoken words of wisdom, or have simply been present with me. your love has saved my life.

to anyone who is currently going through a divorce, know that you are not alone and as cliché as it sounds, there is truly light on the other side.